I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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