it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
