So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
