so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
