He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
