I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
