Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
