Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
