The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
