If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
