a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
