So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
