I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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