Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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