it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize