her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
