being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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