dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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