So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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