I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
