if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
