My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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