I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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