I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
