Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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