I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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