Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
