I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I looked at my own cervix.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize