You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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