i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
