I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize