I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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