White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
third nipple confirmed
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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