i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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