I want to stick my p in your. b.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize