the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's just like the Real World with babies
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i think my cat just said my name.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
