But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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