I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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