I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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