Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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