mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
