if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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