I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
