I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
