mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
