I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
