I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
