I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize