The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am one with the molecules
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
