I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
