I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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