Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
