So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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