i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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