think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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