dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize