If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
