she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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