I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I won the penis lottery.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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