We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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