he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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