I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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