is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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