Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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