i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize