i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
