I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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