Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
