I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
