i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
