hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whose ass print is on the piano?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
