HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
