Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
