Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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