why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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