TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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