I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
