Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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