I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
