people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
