when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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