He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
