my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
