Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
