It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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