eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
