Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
