well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
