Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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