Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize