Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
