She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
