Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
