just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
