dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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