I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
