Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i've created a new STD.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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