how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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