I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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