the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
