I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
